I wasn’t sure what I believed in when I returned to church. I had so many doubts.
The plan was to try Christianity and if it wasn’t a good fit, I would leave and try another type of religion.
I knew a belief system was missing in my life. I needed to find faith, something to turn to and something to depend on.
Now imagine, a 28-year-old doubtful woman venturing out to a church with 90% people over the age 50. I have to say, in the beginning, it didn’t do much for me, but I continued to go every Sunday.
I sat in the pew, listened, sang, and followed the liturgy. As soon as the service was over, I’d dart to the doors to leave so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.
In my mind, I wasn’t looking for friends at Church.
I was searching for something bigger, searching for life’s purpose.
There is a part of the Anglican service where you share peace with one another by shaking each other’s hand. It was my second or third month attending, and we were at that part of the service. I gave peace to the people around me.
I extended my hand toward this woman, who grabbed me and wrapped me in her arms. Immediately, I could feel her warmth, love, and comfort. She got close and whispered in my ear “We hug in this church girl, you better get used to it.”
Why is Church Important?
One of the main ways to strengthen your faith is by submerging yourself in a community. A community of like-minded individuals. Even if you’re not 100% on board, you can still attend church and be open to learning.
It may take time to find a Church that fits, but don’t give up in your search. For me, gender equality was essential.
It was important for me to be a part of a church who offered the same leadership opportunities to men and women.
It was also important for me to be part of an environment which welcomes everyone regardless of sexual orientation.
If you have doubts about your faith, visit a Church. Visit many Churches. It will feel different at first, and the answers to your questions won’t happen overnight. It was about 5 years before I started to feel and know God.
I still have lots of questions about faith and religion – questions I may never get answered.
I think God wants us to search things out and work through our questions for ourselves.
Could this be why Jesus often spoke in parables?
The more we ask questions and seek answers, the more we understand who we are and our place in this world.
Our place in a tribe, in a community we call Church.